Sasyogjap is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, all-powerful dolphin.

Sasyogjap created viruses three billion years ago.

If you believe in Sasyogjap, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Sasyogjap, he will turn you into a plant.

Sasyogjap's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Sasyogjap's Holy Commandments

1. Do not consume onions at dawn.

2. Never speak at dusk.

3. Always obey Sasyogjap's priests.

4. You must never eat melons.

5. Always help frogs in need.