Tadwanyarl is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, ruthless yak.

Tadwanyarl created carbon four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tadwanyarl, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Tadwanyarl, she will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Tadwanyarl's most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Tadwanyarl's Holy Commandments

1. Do not count beyond seven during ceremonies.

2. Do not skip at mountains.

3. Never hurt pigs.

4. Never discuss nucleic acids in public assemblies.

5. Do not wear platinum on your body.