Gilxemtag is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, witless coyote.

Gilxemtag created an electron four million years ago.

If you believe in Gilxemtag, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Gilxemtag, she will manifest in front of you.

Gilxemtag's most sacred site is Amrit in Egypt.

Gilxemtag's Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Gilxemtag.

3. Shun those given to sloth.

4. Do not jump in public.

5. Never pray while filled with fear.