Poptinyar is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, overgenerous pigeon.

Poptinyar created everything that exists five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Poptinyar, she will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Poptinyar, she will jump up and down on your head.

Poptinyar's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Poptinyar's Holy Commandments

1. Snails are not to be trusted.

2. Do not hurt grasshopers.

3. Do not wear titanium on your body.

4. Always count to five before sleeping.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate otters.