Cetmadjamvonk is a god.

He takes the form of a very thin, dishonourable walrus.

Cetmadjamvonk created energy nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Cetmadjamvonk, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Cetmadjamvonk, he will turn you into a sheep.

Cetmadjamvonk's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Cetmadjamvonk's Holy Commandments

1. Never speak the names of black holes aloud.

2. Never adorn your legs with black markings.

3. Never mention whales.

4. Do not fashion models of living things.

5. Always act with obedience.