Jarnjarnben is a god.

She takes the form of a very thin, slow chinchilla.

Jarnjarnben created the world seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Jarnjarnben, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Jarnjarnben, she will destroy your favourite star.

Jarnjarnben's most sacred site is Yongding in China.

Jarnjarnben's Holy Commandments

1. Always obey Jarnjarnben's priests.

2. Do not eat apples.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Jarnjarnben.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Jarnjarnben.

5. Never talk about quantum gravity near snakes while wearing yellow shoes and balancing nine gold spheres on your hands.