Watzenbass is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, narcissistic tortoise.

Watzenbass created tapeworms two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Watzenbass, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Watzenbass, she will turn you into a snail.

Watzenbass' most sacred site is Estedt in Germany.

Watzenbass' Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no snails in a room before entering it.

2. Never carve symbols of galaxies into wood.

3. Always share figs with strangers, but never with manatees.

4. Do not step barefoot upon orange earth.

5. Do not prepare melons while filled with pride.