Lagzakbit is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, astonishing finch.

Lagzakbit created a top quark two million years ago.

If you believe in Lagzakbit, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Lagzakbit, he will have a low opinion of you.

Lagzakbit's most sacred site is Ans in Denmark.

Lagzakbit's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat parsnips.

2. Do not commit murder.

3. Never write about solid mechanics.

4. Always count to five before sleeping.

5. Always pray immersed in water.