Xemyamjin is a god.

It takes the form of a four hundred metre long, weak wombat.

Xemyamjin created the cosmos three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Xemyamjin, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Xemyamjin, it will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Xemyamjin's most sacred site is Finnmark in Norway.

Xemyamjin's Holy Commandments

1. Never curse while facing north.

2. Never talk about horizontal gene transfer.

3. Never speak aloud of names.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Xemyamjin.