Dapsomlarp is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, overgenerous butterfly.

Dapsomlarp created Europe six million years ago.

If you believe in Dapsomlarp, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Dapsomlarp, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Dapsomlarp's most sacred site is Acanceh in Mexico.

Dapsomlarp's Holy Commandments

1. Never tolerate songs in holy places.

2. Always maintain purity during fasting days.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Do not shave your chest.