Fasbonyam Bamstip is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely small, deceitful dugong.

Fasbonyam Bamstip created a bottom quark nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Fasbonyam Bamstip, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Fasbonyam Bamstip, it will remove you from existence.

Fasbonyam Bamstip's most sacred site is Oitti in Finland.

Fasbonyam Bamstip's Holy Commandments

1. Do not travel during winter.

2. Do not wear hats marked with yellow.

3. Always maintain patience during days of mourning.

4. Always cleanse your hands after touching silicon.

5. Always wear turquoise.