Ratcudponpag is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, generous dolphin.

Ratcudponpag created a quark six billion years ago.

If you believe in Ratcudponpag, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Ratcudponpag, he will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Ratcudponpag's most sacred site is Nanjie in China.

Ratcudponpag's Holy Commandments

1. Never pray while filled with envy.

2. Do not take Ratcudponpag's name in vain.

3. Erect a large iron sculpture of Ratcudponpag on top of all buildings.

4. Do not drink water in purple rooms.

5. Never chant in holy places.