Sigjigtaf is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, strong tapir.

Sigjigtaf created Asia seven million years ago.

If you believe in Sigjigtaf, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Sigjigtaf, he will not care at all.

Sigjigtaf's most sacred site is Aguaruto in Mexico.

Sigjigtaf's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about ultrasonics.

2. Always remove kilts before touching iron.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Always act with patience when addressing children.

5. Never point your arms toward the north during prayer.