Dapcatquartmip is a god.

She takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, weak cobra.

Dapcatquartmip created time and space five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Dapcatquartmip, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Dapcatquartmip, she will send two she bears to sort you out.

Dapcatquartmip's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Dapcatquartmip's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Dapcatquartmip eight times a day.

2. Always look after injured pigs.

3. Never talk about thermodynamics.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Never speak the names of asteroids aloud.