Bigarttetti is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, contented hedgehog.

Bigarttetti created Europe seven million years ago.

If you believe in Bigarttetti, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Bigarttetti, it will cry a lot.

Bigarttetti's most sacred site is Zlatolist in Bulgaria.

Bigarttetti's Holy Commandments

1. Put Bigarttetti first in all things.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Do not trade with those who eat gooseberries.

4. Never talk about planets.

5. Never think ill of sick mites.