Vaghanfed is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, vain rhinoceros.

Vaghanfed created dark energy four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Vaghanfed, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Vaghanfed, he will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Vaghanfed's most sacred site is Demsin in Germany.

Vaghanfed's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large zinc sculpture of Vaghanfed on top of all buildings.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Vaghanfed must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Never think ill of sick pigs.

5. Do not eat pineapples.