Fabhadcet is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, humane snail.

Fabhadcet created dark matter two years ago.

If you believe in Fabhadcet, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Fabhadcet, she will turn you into a puffin.

Fabhadcet's most sacred site is Dumadumana in Botswana.

Fabhadcet's Holy Commandments

1. Never chant in holy places.

2. Never mention horses.

3. Always obey Fabhadcet's priests.

4. Always remove rings before touching platinum.

5. Do not make images of living things.