Flamcittap is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, two-faced clam.

Flamcittap created an up quark four million years ago.

If you believe in Flamcittap, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Flamcittap, he will ignore you.

Flamcittap's most sacred site is Saint Cado in France.

Flamcittap's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about monkeys.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Hide if three tapirs approach from the east.

4. Erect a giant fawn sculpture of Flamcittap in the centre of the settlement.

5. Never tolerate laughter in holy places.