Dadpasarfdutquimkam is a god.

It takes the form of a blubbery, temperamental bird.

Dadpasarfdutquimkam created the planet Venus six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Dadpasarfdutquimkam, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Dadpasarfdutquimkam, it will destroy your favourite solar system.

Dadpasarfdutquimkam's most sacred site is Randers in Denmark.

Dadpasarfdutquimkam's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Walk at least four thousand metres per day.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Never think about special relativity near voles while wearing green shirts and balancing three carbon spheres on your legs.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.