Flamarmven is a god.

It takes the form of a slender, clever owl.

Flamarmven created vertebrates three million years ago.

If you believe in Flamarmven, it will approve.

If you do not believe in Flamarmven, it will turn you into a goat.

Flamarmven's most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Flamarmven's Holy Commandments

1. Put Flamarmven first in all things.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

3. Never eat pineapples.

4. Pray towards the south.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.