Tarpyamfag is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, merciful crow.

Tarpyamfag created the planet Mars four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tarpyamfag, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Tarpyamfag, he will boil you in a big pot.

Tarpyamfag's most sacred site is Pedraza in Spain.

Tarpyamfag's Holy Commandments

1. Do not commit murder.

2. Erect six iron sculptures of Tarpyamfag on top of important buildings.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Look mercifully on unfortunate rats.

5. Do not speak sacred words in autumn.