Jarnkenmeg is a god.

It takes the form of a large, merciful spider.

Jarnkenmeg created a quark eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Jarnkenmeg, it will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Jarnkenmeg, it will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Jarnkenmeg's most sacred site is Polagam in India.

Jarnkenmeg's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear white rings.

2. Always act with humility.

3. Never think about the weak nuclear force near capybaras while wearing brown skirts and balancing six platinum spheres on your head.

4. Never mention nematodes.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Jarnkenmeg.