Bepzigcinstiknarltar is a god.

He takes the form of a small, dishonourable newt.

Bepzigcinstiknarltar created carbon two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bepzigcinstiknarltar, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Bepzigcinstiknarltar, he will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Bepzigcinstiknarltar's most sacred site is Embalam in India.

Bepzigcinstiknarltar's Holy Commandments

1. Remain kneeling during prayer.

2. Never speak the names of planets aloud.

3. Never feed garlic to bats while wearing yellow kilts.

4. Do not speak about pineapples.

5. Always take life seriously.