Safpopvoltarpcithencidmum is a god.

He takes the form of a very small, witless dolphin.

Safpopvoltarpcithencidmum created the Black Eye Galaxy six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Safpopvoltarpcithencidmum, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Safpopvoltarpcithencidmum, he will send two she bears to sort you out.

Safpopvoltarpcithencidmum's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Safpopvoltarpcithencidmum's Holy Commandments

1. Always remove ear rings before entering holy places.

2. Always treat horses with great respect.

3. Never discuss bacteria in public assemblies.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Never curse while facing south.