Yatvagtimsit Targfarnpag is a god.

He takes the form of a six thousand metre long, self-assured turtle.

Yatvagtimsit Targfarnpag created humanity two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Yatvagtimsit Targfarnpag, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Yatvagtimsit Targfarnpag, he will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Yatvagtimsit Targfarnpag's most sacred site is Diebzig in Germany.

Yatvagtimsit Targfarnpag's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear turquoise corsets.

2. Always keep your back turned to the west at sunset.

3. Never stain your chest with yellow.

4. Sharks are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Yatvagtimsit Targfarnpag loves mites, so they must be honoured.