Vegkemlam is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, capable elephant.

Vegkemlam created a top quark two million years ago.

If you believe in Vegkemlam, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Vegkemlam, he will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Vegkemlam's most sacred site is Avebury Stone Circle in England.

Vegkemlam's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Never feed lots of bread to mice while wearing green jumpers.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Retreat if five gulls approach from the south.

5. Do not speak about cucumbers.