Wigyarparp is a god.

It takes the form of a large, self-assured bear.

Wigyarparp created the universe nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Wigyarparp, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Wigyarparp, it will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Wigyarparp's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Wigyarparp's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about the strong nuclear force.

2. Never carve symbols of dwarf planets into wood.

3. Always share coconuts with strangers, but never with squirrels.

4. You must pray to Wigyarparp three times a day.

5. Paint representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place.