Ruttquamboss is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, kind aardvark.

Ruttquamboss created humankind four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Ruttquamboss, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Ruttquamboss, he will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Ruttquamboss' most sacred site is Gulval in England.

Ruttquamboss' Holy Commandments

1. Never speak the names of moons aloud.

2. Ruttquamboss loves horses, so they must be respected.

3. Never wear mauve skirts.

4. Never wear stockings.

5. Always store beans above ground.