Nartnabdan is a god.

He takes the form of a very small, bad-tempered whale.

Nartnabdan created Asia nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Nartnabdan, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Nartnabdan, he will turn you into a sheep.

Nartnabdan's most sacred site is Krina in Germany.

Nartnabdan's Holy Commandments

1. Never mix pineapples with blood.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Always maintain obedience during holy days.

4. Never speak the names of planets aloud.

5. Always store rice above ground.