Negpangfotmet is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, all-knowing seal.

Negpangfotmet created Europe three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Negpangfotmet, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Negpangfotmet, she will refuse to believe in you.

Negpangfotmet's most sacred site is Gomba in Hungary.

Negpangfotmet's Holy Commandments

1. Never hop near goats.

2. Never bounce in the presence of porpoises.

3. Never feed lots of cherries to bats while wearing gray tights.

4. Do not shave your feet.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.