Abbetshav is a god.

He takes the form of a galaxy-sized, vain seal.

Abbetshav created light eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Abbetshav, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Abbetshav, he will send you a strongly worded letter.

Abbetshav's most sacred site is Xtul in Mexico.

Abbetshav's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of gooseberries to snakes while wearing pink kilts.

2. Always look after injured seals.

3. Never talk about special relativity near sharks while wearing orange shoes.

4. Never tolerate laughter in holy places.

5. Abbetshav loves ducks, so they must be honoured.