Onttitpad is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, humane wombat.

Onttitpad created humankind four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Onttitpad, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Onttitpad, it will say rude things about you at parties.

Onttitpad's most sacred site is Krina in Germany.

Onttitpad's Holy Commandments

1. Always share lemons with strangers, but never with manatees.

2. Run away if five snails approach from the east.

3. Do not drink alcohol.

4. Never talk about gravity near hamsters while wearing magenta kilts.

5. Do not covet oxen.