Dutkemnurtflabhim is a god.

She takes the form of a small, awesome spider.

Dutkemnurtflabhim created the Cigar Galaxy nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Dutkemnurtflabhim, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Dutkemnurtflabhim, she will destroy your home planet.

Dutkemnurtflabhim's most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Dutkemnurtflabhim's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about horses.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Dutkemnurtflabhim.

3. Always share gooseberries with strangers, but never with gulls.

4. Never write about horizontal gene transfer.

5. Always wear plain kilts during rituals.