Gubdotvonk is a god.

It takes the form of a blubbery, intelligent crocodile.

Gubdotvonk created Europe six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gubdotvonk, it will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Gubdotvonk, it will turn you into a slug.

Gubdotvonk's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Gubdotvonk's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Never talk about snakes.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Never mix parsnips with oil.

5. Do not chop down trees.