Monbagjap is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, pitiless penguin.

Monbagjap created a top quark two million years ago.

If you believe in Monbagjap, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Monbagjap, he will turn you into a small brown duck.

Monbagjap's most sacred site is Hetta in Finland.

Monbagjap's Holy Commandments

1. Never speak at dawn.

2. Do not wear coats marked with green.

3. Always cleanse blood with water.

4. Do not place corn upon stone.

5. Never write about cell theory.