Gomfatnurl is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, smart faun.

Gomfatnurl created Europe two billion years ago.

If you believe in Gomfatnurl, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Gomfatnurl, she will laugh at you.

Gomfatnurl's most sacred site is Issigeac in France.

Gomfatnurl's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion sacred items from ash.

2. Walk at least seven thousand metres per day.

3. Always share apples with strangers, but never with monkeys.

4. Never talk about spacetime near pigs while wearing purple shoes and balancing six tin spheres on your chest.

5. Always take life seriously.