Japflapgunhabbastteenxem is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, strong scorpion.

Japflapgunhabbastteenxem created energy six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Japflapgunhabbastteenxem, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Japflapgunhabbastteenxem, he will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Japflapgunhabbastteenxem's most sacred site is Glastonbury Tor in England.

Japflapgunhabbastteenxem's Holy Commandments

1. Always count to eight before sleeping.

2. Never think ill of sick rats.

3. Always wear plain skirts during rituals.

4. Hide if four tapirs approach from the north.

5. Always wash your feet before prayer.