Flapranarf is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, loving jellyfish.

Flapranarf created the solar system two million years ago.

If you believe in Flapranarf, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Flapranarf, he will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Flapranarf's most sacred site is Auvillar in France.

Flapranarf's Holy Commandments

1. Never carve symbols of black holes into wood.

2. Never stain your legs with purple.

3. Never wear kilts.

4. Always act with patience when addressing children.

5. Never speak of order in the presence of priests.