Quampopflap is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, omniscient octopus.

Quampopflap created tapeworms eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Quampopflap, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Quampopflap, she will turn you into a mole.

Quampopflap's most sacred site is Edenryd in Sweden.

Quampopflap's Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. Always obey Quampopflap's priests.

3. Do not prepare nuts while wearing corsets.

4. Feed all hungry pigs.

5. You must never eat tomatoes.