Betmonhog is a god.

It takes the form of a four hundred metre long, unselfish seal.

Betmonhog created the universe two years ago.

If you believe in Betmonhog, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Betmonhog, it will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Betmonhog's most sacred site is Hondarribia in Spain.

Betmonhog's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed garlic to moths while wearing tights.

2. Learn seven new languages a year.

3. Never discuss ribonucleic acid in public assemblies.

4. Never mix rice with water.

5. Never carve symbols of galaxies into wood.