Fonbessnak is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, awesome hummingbird.

Fonbessnak created everything that exists nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fonbessnak, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Fonbessnak, she will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Fonbessnak's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Fonbessnak's Holy Commandments

1. Pray only in darkness.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Do not hurt grasshopers.

4. Never think about moons.

5. Never write about cell theory.