Kamdumkonstipfomlat Flatbellspag is a god.

She takes the form of a slim, pitiless tortoise.

Kamdumkonstipfomlat Flatbellspag created carbon seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kamdumkonstipfomlat Flatbellspag, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Kamdumkonstipfomlat Flatbellspag, she will turn you into a tree.

Kamdumkonstipfomlat Flatbellspag's most sacred site is Aimala in Finland.

Kamdumkonstipfomlat Flatbellspag's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Always act with obedience.

3. Never write about chromosomes.

4. Do not wear white clothing.

5. Learn eight new languages a year.