Begstiklak is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, unfair newt.

Begstiklak created parasitic wasps two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Begstiklak, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Begstiklak, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Begstiklak's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Begstiklak's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about planets.

2. Never point your chest toward the south during prayer.

3. Do not record secrets concerning comets.

4. Never think ill of sick cats.

5. Begstiklak loves horses, so they must be respected.