Bopwonjan is a god.

It takes the form of a minute, slow crocodile.

Bopwonjan created silver nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bopwonjan, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Bopwonjan, it will send you a strongly worded letter.

Bopwonjan's most sacred site is Neravy in India.

Bopwonjan's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Never feed garlic to rats while wearing turquoise trousers.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Do not dye your hair blue.

5. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.