Metkamshav is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, impressive turtle.

Metkamshav created water nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Metkamshav, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Metkamshav, it will have an extremely low opinion of you.

Metkamshav's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Metkamshav's Holy Commandments

1. Never speak aloud of numbers.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Do not travel during winter.

5. Metkamshav loves hamsters, so they must be respected.