Futstipnan Tettinurlbess Cunquafpag is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, compassionate dog.

Futstipnan Tettinurlbess Cunquafpag created viruses nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Futstipnan Tettinurlbess Cunquafpag, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Futstipnan Tettinurlbess Cunquafpag, he will torture you forever.

Futstipnan Tettinurlbess Cunquafpag's most sacred site is Villaseta in Italy.

Futstipnan Tettinurlbess Cunquafpag's Holy Commandments

1. Never hop in holy places.

2. Do not take Futstipnan Tettinurlbess Cunquafpag's name in vain.

3. Never whisper while facing south.

4. Remain prostrate during prayer.

5. Do not keep eight badgers in a large pit.