Sitvagruthivrulcissrow is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, moody faun.

Sitvagruthivrulcissrow created vertebrates two billion years ago.

If you believe in Sitvagruthivrulcissrow, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Sitvagruthivrulcissrow, he will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Sitvagruthivrulcissrow's most sacred site is Zlatolist in Bulgaria.

Sitvagruthivrulcissrow's Holy Commandments

1. Never approach rivers carrying wood.

2. Never feed lots of tomatoes to voles while wearing green scarves.

3. Do not make images of living things.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Never think about quantum mechanics near aardvarks while wearing purple hats and balancing five tin spheres on your arms.