Kapfenpan is a god.

She takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, generous seal.

Kapfenpan created the Tadpole Galaxy eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Kapfenpan, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Kapfenpan, she will have a low opinion of you.

Kapfenpan's most sacred site is Saint Cado in France.

Kapfenpan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Always remove hats before entering holy places.

4. Do not speak sacred words in spring.

5. Do not study bacteria on holy days.