Vabcutmil is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, blissful faun.

Vabcutmil created humankind nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Vabcutmil, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Vabcutmil, she will turn you into a rat.

Vabcutmil's most sacred site is Trujillo in Spain.

Vabcutmil's Holy Commandments

1. Do not name children after manatees.

2. Do not wear silver on your body.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of aluminium.

4. Never whisper while facing north.

5. Never allow mice to sleep beneath your roof.