Futmablarp is a god.

She takes the form of a minute, self-assured skunk.

Futmablarp created dark energy six million years ago.

If you believe in Futmablarp, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Futmablarp, she will turn you into a rat.

Futmablarp's most sacred site is Cobbelsdorf in Germany.

Futmablarp's Holy Commandments

1. Do not place onions upon stone.

2. Always store bread above ground.

3. Never record numbers.

4. Always treat tortoises with great respect.

5. Do not take Futmablarp's name in vain.